Foreign Tongue

Wiktionary says:

Noun

foreign tongue (plural foreign tongues)

1. Any language not native to particular person or place.

Monica says:

Noun

foreign tongue (plural foreign tongues [and ill-advised])

1. When you don't understand the words coming out of someone's mouth.
2. When you find a stranger's tongue in your mouth.
3. A good way to get herpes. On your mouth.

I've had some experience with #1 and #2, and thankfully not #3. Enjoy.

Someone get this boy a GPS.

It was a cool summer night, I was at a party and a cute acquaintance of mine had asked me to go on an outdoors walk with him. I enjoyed the funny way he ate nachos so I had agreed - did I mention he was cute? Note: He ate nachos in a slow-motioned manner because he was under the influence of many substances, as I would later discover.

Him: "I'm surprised you agreed to go on this walk with me."

I ask, "Why?"

Him: "Because I have no sense of direction."

Me: "Oh, don't worry about it I know where the path is."

Him: "No, I mean in life."

Me:

After a few more moments of silence I was still dumbfounded. A normal person would've taken this as a golden opportunity to make a lame excuse and return to the comfortable haven of familiar friends. Being the perverse person that I am I decided to go along with it and see how bad it could get. He had verbal diarrhea and I felt for him. It became apparent that he was out of his mind and although he spoke English the sentences no longer made sense so I zoned him out and started looking for the Big Dipper while he continued to babble beside me. That's what I get for being perverse.

Take home lesson: Don't be a pervert.

When in Rome.

It was a Sunday night in Rome and my friend and I befriended two dashing young men from Vancouver and Miami at the internet lounge. Miami was fluent in many languages and knew all the Argentinians staying at the same youth hostel as us. We rounded up the rest of our friends to go hit the club with Vancouver, Miami, and the Argentinians. At the club, the loudest, rowdiest Argentinian invited me for tequila at the bar. I happily tagged along and after we took the shot he planted one on me like I was his lime. Again, I was struck dumb and he spoke to me in broken English only to further my state of confusion. That was my first kiss with a stranger. Although it's fun to say that I got to make out with an Argentinian dude in Europe, the experience wasn't very thrilling. He must have known because I burst out laughing once the wheels in my head resumed turning.

As a result, I kept a low profile for the rest of my stay in Rome. Especially since the Argentinians were conveniently staying on the same floor as us. I thought that was the last of Ferrerico that I would see but while reviewing the vast collection of videos from our Europe trip, my sister called me over to watch something. To my horror it was of a drunken Ferrerico stumbling on the street towards the camera and letting loose - what I can only assume to be - a slew of expletives in his foreign tongue. Followed by 5 seconds of his wagging tongue. My sister chose that moment to pause the video and laugh at me. It was a good opportunity for me to reflect. And die a little bit inside.

Take home lesson: Embarrassing memories are fun to look back on but get rid of the kind that can be re-wound, fast-forwarded, and re-played by others.