Village People

I've travelled past many villages in my life. I never ventured into them to see what they had to offer a passerby like me because from the outside these villages looked dull and unimpressive. With so many other places to visit, why would I stop by there? On a fateful day I was brought into one of these villages and I realized that they were like oysters of society... really unappealing on the outside... and concealing treasures on the inside.

Boy, did I have a darn tootin' good time at Value Village. I'm not completely new to this bargain hunting activity though... I once was taken on a date to an underground flea market that was dark, dank, and real stank. Never again. That's what I envisioned Value Village to be like; depressing, stale, and full of junky items. When I got in there my prediction wasn't too far off but my years of Winners department store upbringing kicked right in. I expertly searched rack after rack for a winner, my eyes zipping over each item for some indication of it being worth rescuing. It turned into a high-speed game of treasure hunting.

There were some pretty baubles...such as a silk black sleeveless body suit for $3.99 and a pink Marciano bustier for $7.99. I was amused by my finds but the village hadn't won me over yet.

And then I found the mother of all treasures. The pearl of this oyster. And my face went like this.

There she lay. I revelled in her beauty. One unassuming pair of Hudson jeans for $9.99 sandwiched between crap, and more crap. I yanked it right out of the rack and felt pure joy wash over me. I was triumphant, I was giddy. I had won the game.

I purchased my items without trying them on and inspected them at home. The turmoil began. I checked the label of the silk black body suit. 'Private Expressions. Size XL.' It got me wondering...whose extra-large privates once engulfed this body suit? I stared at the  crotch area... and it stared right back at me. The next time we came face to crotch was two wash cycles later. Satisfied that I wouldn't contract a communicable disease from it, it joined the ranks of my wardrobe.

I was impatient to put my 'new' Hudson jeans on. I stuck my legs in, shimmied it up, and... hit a roadblock. My ass. Turns out, it was a size 24. I haven't been that tiny since the pre-pubescent ages. With stubborn determination I squeezed myself into them like a stuffed sausage and only when the top button was secure did I dare to exhale. It was beyond tight, and I couldn't actually sit down in them but they sure looked good!

At that moment, I was sold. The village had me and I became a value villager...

Young (wo)man, there's a place you can go.

I said, young (wo)man, when you're short on your dough.

You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find

Many ways to have a good time.

Spicy Up Your Life

Have you heard of the expression 'biting off more than you can chew'?

It often happens in the workplace. We hear stories of eager beavers who continually take on more workload in order to assert themselves as valuable assets to the company. You know, the Ugly Bettys of the working world. They sometimes bite off more than they can chew.

I did a similar thing at work. I bit into my lunch - a seemingly normal submarine sandwich dropped off to me by my mother (it was so thoughtful of her). As I worked my way to the middle of the sandwich I took an overzealous chomp and felt the luau commence in my mouth. Like a small fire pit party with people dancing around it. The creep of dread travelled up the back of my skull like a warning sign of bad things to come and there was a solitary thought in my mind, "Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!". The luau evolved into a volcanic eruption threatening to singe my taste buds and the party people were now running for their lives.

It was so ironic that she had also dropped off a 1L bottle of water with my lunch. Was she forshadowing what was to come? I was gulping down water but it was futile. The fire would not be subdued. I'm such a wimp when it comes to spicy food. For my mother to drop off that sandwich laden with all sorts of lethal peppers...it led me to believe she was trying to kill me.

I felt hysterical so I dashed to the washroom and did the only logical thing - I started drooling.

With nothing to do until the fiery sensation subsided I focused on my reflection and observed the tears pooling in my eyes, the drool running from my tongue, and the drip forming from my nose. It was a miserable moment in Monica history; ridiculous and hilarious all at once. It's kind of perverse how people willingly consume spicy things to shock their senses. How can you taste anything with all of the hurt? I heard it's an acquired taste.

The only things I acquired were a massive headache and an aversion to my mother's taste in food. Should I ever feel the urge to spice things up in the future, I'll pop in my Spice Girls CD.

Black is the new crack.

I've fielded many questions at work lately.

"When is the shackle arriving?"

"Where is the crinkler?"

"Is my black spackler in?"

"Can you show me the black cracker?"

And most famously...

"Do you have Katy Perry's crack?"

That was the most accurate description so far.

The true name is Black Shatter, by O.P.I.

Pop Powerhouse + partnership with O.P.I brand + heavy advertising = consumer frenzy.

I can spot them now. The customers who are after the crack. They come in wild-eyed, muttering excitedly (sometimes with a friend in tow), and when their eyes start to frantically dart around the store I usually end their anticipation by saying, "Hi there. You're looking for the Shatter? I'm sorry, they haven't come in yet." I've witnessed a lot of devastation this past month and learned to plaster on my sorry-to-disappoint-you face.

The product itself is a nail polish that 'shatters' when you apply it. I gave in to the trend to see what the fuss was about and after applying one coat of the black shatter, you watch as the colour slowly breaks apart to settle into unique segmented patterns. The real draw is experimenting with different base colours to create customized, signature looks. The possibilities are really endless. I've spied nails that so attractively look like a cow print as well as 'shattered' french manicures.

From a business point of view, it's genius.

From a shopgirl point of view, it's entertainment.

I can see this being a formidable trend that will eventually go down in history once it's overdone like TNA pants or Jersey Shore. In any case, silver shatters as well as coloured shatters are rumoured to be arriving so it's well on its way to fulfill that destiny. Let the mayhem ensue.

Live a little.

A moment, s'il vous plait.

I'm experiencing a temporarily heightened awareness of my mortality and it's causing me to think about big topics. These big thoughts are filling up the spaces of my mind and I need to address them before my head overflows.

Are you aware that you are not guaranteed life tomorrow? Neither am I. Neither is your neighbour, your pet, your professor, your best friend, or your worst enemy. At any given day, someone can cease to be and it will be a rude awakening for those nearby and involved. It's easy to ignore such unpleasant thoughts but reality-checks are necessary to become more proactive in navigating the future. 

Everyone has a say in how you ought to live - your momma, your poppa, the government, society, your significant other, down to the daily horoscope. Press mute on the external noise and you may be able to hear yourself again. What did/do you dream of as a child? What are your goals in relationships, finances, career paths? What is vitally important to you in living a happy lifestyle? What are your core values? Pay attention to those things and keep them alive. If you are currently unhappy about something, sit down, dig deep, and evaluate the causes. Apathy is a dangerous feeling that can lead any of us off track in any aspect of our lives. Taking part in an unfulfilling relationship, drowning out your unhappiness with your career choice, or ignoring the state of your finances will guarantee that your troubles are never-ending. And if something unforeseen happened to you tomorrow, well, that would just suck even more.

The point of life is not to live in paranoia and fear of things beyond our control, it's not about bearing hatred and anger in our minds and hearts and it's most certainly not about living a mediocre, unfeeling existence. I believe we all have our fears and insecurities to manage but keep your dreams and goals close at heart to navigate through to the good stuff in life - love, joy, peace, inspiration, and abundance.

This world is vast, our opportunities are limitless, and each life holds great potential to be someone great, meet someone great, and do something great. Let's be more present and learn to live, a lot.

ML