Blessing in Disguise

I've thought about sharing many things over these past 2 years but I didn't feel connected to my voice. A lot has transpired. Love lost, love found. Life beginning, life ending. All the dualities - lightness and darkness. One constant has been spiritual growth. I know that it's my life's journey to keep expanding my mind, heart, and spirit.

This past year alone I must have been put on an accelerated crash course for personal growth. I've left my stable career with my family business, I took a huge leap of faith to start my own salon, and then I developed a painful lump in my chest and was tested for cancer. The timing could not have been more stunning.

I've been working in the corporate franchise salon space ever since I was a child. My hard working mother would pick my sister and I up from elementary school and take us straight to the salon to help out. I would stock the shelves with products, lining them up meticulously with a ruler while my sister did data entry, typing one little finger at a time. I'm now 31, and looking back I've committed over 20 years into the business. I'm so lucky for this experience because it has taught me everything that my textbooks couldn't in university. Business management, people management, self management. I was leading an amazing team of 12 and parting with my work family was one of the hardest parts of venturing out on my own. 

Moving to a studio of me myself and I in Hamilton has been an adjustment but I feel a great sense of pride and peace. Everyone that has come through already has been such a blessing. This journey has brought me face to face with some deep-seated fears and it has also forced me to see the light that surrounds me. The entrepreneurial path is not for the faint of heart. These past 6 months have been relentlessly stressful, work-intensive, and there have been multiple meltdowns where I questioned myself and my worthiness.

"Who am I to start up my own business?"

"What will others think?"

"What if others judge or criticize me?" 

"What if my clients get mad at me for leaving?"

"What will happen to my team when I leave?"

"What if new clients think I'm terrible?"

"I am not good enough, talented enough, compared to everyone else."

"What if I fail?"

If any of these questions have ever resonated with you, don't worry. It just means you're human too. With positive support from others and most importantly myself, I can now answer these fears with: 

I am me. I am here. 

I will shine my light to inspire others to shine theirs. No more playing small to please others.

What others think is none of my business.

My clients continue to support me and I am still here for them.

My team will grow without me and we continue to care for each other.  

My new clients have welcomed me and I am so grateful.

I am good enough, I am talented enough.

If I fail, I will learn, and I still win.

I didn't realize it at the time but I'm now certain this cancer scare presented itself to support me. A universal slap in the face to wake the f- up and get clarity on what's important. For months I have been so consumed by working, doing, accomplishing with stress levels that I couldn't shut off. I had my biopsy 3 weeks ago and had many moments of despair. During one particular ugly cry my higher self started asking, "What are you crying for?" "More life?" "What would you do with it anyways?". I stopped. I thought for a long time and all I could come up with was, "I want to feel like I matter and I want to make others feel like they matter." Since that little conversation with myself I've had a greater sense of peace, a greater sense of acceptance of any outcome, and I gave it up to the universe to do as it saw fit. The stress actually dissipated because I wasn't struggling to control everything anymore. I became clear on what matters; joy, self-care, relationships. Today I received news from the doctor that all is well.

In the words of Rob Bell, 

"There is nothing left to prove, all that's left is to enjoy."

Amen.   

☮Monica