Village People

I've travelled past many villages in my life. I never ventured into them to see what they had to offer a passerby like me because from the outside these villages looked dull and unimpressive. With so many other places to visit, why would I stop by there? On a fateful day I was brought into one of these villages and I realized that they were like oysters of society... really unappealing on the outside... and concealing treasures on the inside.

Boy, did I have a darn tootin' good time at Value Village. I'm not completely new to this bargain hunting activity though... I once was taken on a date to an underground flea market that was dark, dank, and real stank. Never again. That's what I envisioned Value Village to be like; depressing, stale, and full of junky items. When I got in there my prediction wasn't too far off but my years of Winners department store upbringing kicked right in. I expertly searched rack after rack for a winner, my eyes zipping over each item for some indication of it being worth rescuing. It turned into a high-speed game of treasure hunting.

There were some pretty baubles...such as a silk black sleeveless body suit for $3.99 and a pink Marciano bustier for $7.99. I was amused by my finds but the village hadn't won me over yet.

And then I found the mother of all treasures. The pearl of this oyster. And my face went like this.

There she lay. I revelled in her beauty. One unassuming pair of Hudson jeans for $9.99 sandwiched between crap, and more crap. I yanked it right out of the rack and felt pure joy wash over me. I was triumphant, I was giddy. I had won the game.

I purchased my items without trying them on and inspected them at home. The turmoil began. I checked the label of the silk black body suit. 'Private Expressions. Size XL.' It got me wondering...whose extra-large privates once engulfed this body suit? I stared at the  crotch area... and it stared right back at me. The next time we came face to crotch was two wash cycles later. Satisfied that I wouldn't contract a communicable disease from it, it joined the ranks of my wardrobe.

I was impatient to put my 'new' Hudson jeans on. I stuck my legs in, shimmied it up, and... hit a roadblock. My ass. Turns out, it was a size 24. I haven't been that tiny since the pre-pubescent ages. With stubborn determination I squeezed myself into them like a stuffed sausage and only when the top button was secure did I dare to exhale. It was beyond tight, and I couldn't actually sit down in them but they sure looked good!

At that moment, I was sold. The village had me and I became a value villager...

Young (wo)man, there's a place you can go.

I said, young (wo)man, when you're short on your dough.

You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find

Many ways to have a good time.